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Sometime you just have to be a bitch... and sometimes you just want to be
~Bright Lights~ The Great Debate
Weasley is our King
May 2006
 
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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Wed, May. 10th, 2006 12:00 am

Okay... just for the record if someone else has already posted this... my apologies. I was at one time good at keeping up with my FL though I didn't post much. Now I'm niether, posting or checking. So I have some catching up to do.

ANYWAY...

We are going to finally have a Ren Faire in KY. SNAP! I just spent WAY too long going through thier site and I doubt it will be as fantabulous as the one in Ohio or the one in the Tejas (that one just rocked my socks) it still looks like it will be pretty great for it's first year.

So I guess my question is this... Is anyone up for planning a group trip to said Ren Faire?

Jessie? I know that you'd like to.... right?

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Tue, Mar. 14th, 2006 03:16 am
Okay... reality check... to anyone else who feels the need to remind me that I have only known the man I plan I spend the rest of my life with for three months... yeah.. got that message.

He's actually just excited that our three month aniversary falls on Pi Day (Einstien's birthday).

Okay do he proposed on Sunday... and it was.... in it's own perfectly quirky way... perfect.

Monday: he discussed it with his parents, and I "discussed" it with my baby brother. Actually when I told Taylor I was engaged he said and this IS a direct quote "With.....?...... Jarhead?" I could have seriously strangled him if I didn't love him so much.

Tuesday: I drove to Danville and told my parents. Which in truth went better than anticipated.

Wednesday: We went with Amy to a party in Richmond. Ironically enough it was a party remarkably similar to the one we got together at, and the same day of the week. And come to think about it... he proposed on almost three months and the same day of the week from the day we met.... yeah random I know.

Thursday: Nada

Friday: Went to dinner with him and his parents. There were ackward moments but on the whole it was fine. Then I spent the night at his house because we had a big day coming up.... there is meant to be sarcasm in that...

Saturday: Wake up bright and early to drive to Pikeville... to meet... dum dum dum... the family. My future in-laws...

This was an experience worth documenting... Hi grandparents (maternal) didn't take the news too well. We got the disapproving looks and a lecture from him grandfather on the meaning of the vows. And I still feel bad because his grandfather asked me about my religious orientation... and I think he got the answers he wanted but only because he didn't ask me the right questions. An what makes me feel worse is that the answers I gave inspired him to give Isaac a "getting his life straight with God"speech. All in all the grandparents were a soul raping experience. On the other hand his Aunt Robin and cosin Sara were lovely. Especcially because his cousin is dating a guy from New Zealand who is teaching her the finer art of appreciating rugby (though he and I will always support opposing teams).

His Dad family is large and loud and hilarious... I fit right in.

The wierd thing is that after the first encounter of the day... he shut down. In fact I dragged his ass outside at one point to point this out to him.

Sunday: We went to the mall... I really don't like the mall. But it was good. We bought him new pants that he needed and we looked at rings... Stupid and happy as it makes me... he hates yellow gold as much as I do.

Then we went to Barnes and Nobles and what do you know they have a whole table display on planning your wedding.

Here's where I start to freak out.

I want to get married in late September... HOW DO I GET IT ALL DONE!!!

By most books... I'm already three months behind....

But enough of the panic...

I'm kinda pissed off at the world at large about this. It seems like most people when we tell them we are engaged they are happy for us. And then they ask the dreaded question "How long have you been going out?" and from there on out they are taking bets on either how crazy we are or how long it going to last.

As much as I hate to admit it. The longer I spend surrounded by those thoughts the more they seem to permeate. I let them seep in...

But then I'm alone with him...

For example. Sunday night we were watching a movie in my room. We were tangled up (clothes completely on) and I was reading our new book...getting more and more freaked out. And he rolled over and laid on top of me, reading over my shoulder.... And it was perfect. It was exactly what I needed. To feel close to him while I was freaking out about our wedding. It was sweet and funny and romatic... and real....

And even more dorkish was later when I tried to teach him this hand-clapping game my aunt taught me when I was young we created an impromtu game of who could go the longest without screwing up (I won 2 out of 3 btw).

Those are the moments I love!!!!!!!Those are the moments I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

So why do I let everyone else's disbelief's wear em down? Casue honestly when they do... all I need is real time alone with him to make it all right again.

Stupid as it may sound...

What I need is for my friends to give me thier congrats (btw Thanks Jen cause you noticed the first msg no matter how brief it was up).

Actually...now that I think about it.. I need a girls day!

Okay... I need replies...Jessie, Jen, Jessica... tell me when you can please come and help me calm down about the fact that I'm going to get married....

Ladies! You are needed....

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Tue, Mar. 14th, 2006 12:22 am
Yeah so a little over a week ago I posted an entry and then took it down to edit and make better... I forgot to repost it.

So... for those of you who missed the news...

Last Sunday (not yesterday), in a scene not unlike the one from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", my boyfriend Isaac proposed...

That's right ladies and jellyspoons... I'M GETTING MARRIED!!

And for those of you who would like to see him: http://www.geocities.com/kittykatz_909/me_and_isaac.JPG

okay... for this post I'm just giddy... in a moment I will post this angst I'm feeling propsal+8 days...

Still YAY!!!!!!!

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Tue, Feb. 14th, 2006 12:43 am

I ussually spend this day sitting around and mocking those is some form of bliss. But I am more than prepared to be mocked this year.

I am in love. An this is the day for it. I know he's going to do something. And if I had to guess I think it would involve me showing up at home tomorrow to find dinner waiting. And that's how easy I am to please.

I have had several long term relationships. Many that took me too long to decide if I was in love with them. But Isaac... I knew by our second date that I loved him... and by our second week that I could see spending my life with him.

I mock people who would tell me this story. And yet I tell it to you all hoping you believe me. And if you don't... hoping you find it for yourselves someday.

And to all the people who take the time to read this... Amy and I would love to see you. Post a msg and let us plan a get together. It turns out these to bitches are helluva good hostesses... ;)

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Wed, Feb. 1st, 2006 08:22 am

Okay... I'm guilty of playing hookey from work before. I have called in sick when I wasn't because I REALLY didn't want to go. Not often but it has happened on occasion in the 6 years since I've started working. But today I'm not playing hookey, not even close.

The truely frustrating thing is that I feel better, I really do, and I want to go to work. But right now I'm sitting down. It's when I try to stand up for more than 10 minutes that I start to feel absolutely exhausted and disoriented.

But I want to go to work. And the prospect of spending another day laying in bed doing nothing is enough to drive a person a mad....

BEING SICK SUCKS!!!!!!!!

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Tue, Jan. 31st, 2006 06:01 pm

Being sick offically sucks.

I had to come home early from work today because I was so sick and weak that I kept nodding off, but it wasn't like falling asleep it was more like almost passing out. I would get really weak, then dizzy, then lose a few minutes of time.

I was hestiant to drive home and had to pull over once, but in the end I made it. And based on some of the dreams I had I think I may have had a fever than I sweated out as well. Now I just feel generally sucky.

If you read Amy's journal then you already know why I'm sick....

And if you don't.... I'll retell it some other time.

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Fri, Jan. 20th, 2006 11:56 pm

I don't remember life ussually being so... interesting, and full.

Okay so lets go for your standard "daily run-down" type of post because I truly believe this merits retelling.

So.... I spent most of yesterday stewing over a thorn I'd gotten in my side over Isaac, which I still know is going to have to be discussed with him... but in the grand scheme of things I don't giving a flying fuck over at this moment. Roughly 12 hrs. ago I had just gotten done talking to him about none of the things that were bothering me and was starting to feel aggitated more and more by them as time passed. So I emailed him. I told him I was stewing and that he needed to call me as soon as he got done with his homework so I could clear the air over a few things.

Still in a funk over this I turned on the television to "take my mind off it". This was not an effective distraction at all. There was a program on... it was either "Primetime" or "20/20" or something to that effect. The subject matter was very... interesting to me and I knew I needed to watch it but didn't know that this was the right time (a fleeting moment of sanity). So I recorded it instead... We only have five channels and in my room only four, three that come in well. So my other viewing options were limited and I soon found myself watching it anyway against my better judgement. It hit a nerve. I kinda knew it was going to, what I didn't realize is how hard it was going to hit the nerve or how close to the mark. I began thinking about alot of things I shouldn't have...

About this time Amy called me. We were planning on going to "The Bar" in Lexington to do some dancing. I thought about chickening out, but knew that staying home to wallow in my own thoughts was DEFINANTLY not the best idea. But I didn't want to go alone. I hadn't at this point been drinking and was planning on driving myself in case Amy had to leave before I did. And it still wasn't that I was looking for a designated driver.... just designated compainionship. SO our friend Mikey was going to pick me up and we were going to go together. I got myself dolled up and began to wait for Mikey.

Even the prospect of a fun night out at the gay bar wasn't doing much to raise my spirits while I was waiting and I started thinking more and more... I think overthinking is becoming contagious around our house like the cowmonkies are becoming an infestation. I tried calling Isaac again, obviously trying to get ahold of him for a completely different reason this time. Finally I left him a voice mail when I had reached the point near tears. I called Mikey to tell him not to worry about picking me up and to go on without me... but he was almost at the house so I sucked it up and decided to lean on Mikey's shoulder along the way and then MAKE myself have fun if it came to that. By this point I know better than to leave me alone with me when I get like this.

So along the way to Lexington I just got everything off my chest. And it did help. I wasn't feeling fabulous but I was at the very least ready to be distracted.

Bar was good. I had a few drinks (2) and talked to alot of gay guys randomly, I even danced with Mikey a bit and was took my mind off everything for a bit. As the evening drug on though I started to get less distracted by the things that were bothering me. About this time Amy was having some drama/stress of her own, but I'll let her vent about that. And it was becoming very apparent that Mikey was very drunk. So the decision was made shortly thereafter to go home (I had taken Mikey's keys away by this point obviously).

We had to make a few pit stops on the way home but otherwise it was fairly uneventful.

When we got home I for some reason decided that I wanted to watch the program I had recorded. It had never gone far from my mind so I figure that was as good a time as any to sit through it and catch the parts I'd missed in my panicky pacing and channel flipping the first time through. It kinda did me good I think. I needed to see it... I won't say it's given me hope for my own situation that's arising... but it has given me perspective.

Anyway while we were watching and discussing the show Mikey was in the bathroom and we were starting to get worried, so we went and sat with him for awhile. But instead of getting more coherant ... he started to get slightly less and complained on an intense pain. Worried we called the hospital and explained to them the whole situation. They told us to bring him in, faster being better than slower. So we took him to the ER, where he was a regular comedian with the nurses in triage. He was released around 7:00 this morning... and is currently passed out in my bed with Amy watching over him.

I love Mikey, even if getting him up to leave the hospital was a bit of a pain in the ass (and Amy has an even more amusing story). But I think for her efforts this morning (it was all this morning since the real drama didn't really start til about 1:30), that Isaac is right, and Amy should recieve the Bronze Star in Fabulous for being the best maternal fag hag on the planet.

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Thu, Jan. 19th, 2006 08:12 pm

I used to feed off catharsis. It was something I needed in one random form or another almost daily. It was easy when I worked at the computer lab. Tap Larry for a smoke break and just let it all hang out. But it occured to me lately that it's been a VERY long time since I just drained myself empty.

I'm almost not even sure I still can. I need to do something exhiliarating. I need scream at the top of my lungs. I need to laugh so hard I cry. It's not something physical I need. It's emotional. I need to feel as much bear. To my mind catharsis doesn't always have to be angry... though it is the most effective form. It's just letting yourself feel all the things that lurk in the back of your mind, the things that don't get let out as often as they should. I just need to do something.

I honestly believe it's a necessary part of a healthy life. Sometimes you just to empty the baggage we all carry... so that life an inevitably fill it up again.

Before anyone assumes... this is not a depressed post. It's not a cry for help like so many of the ones that came before post that went unanswered. In fact it's almost the opposite.... I feel the need to feel.

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Thu, Jan. 19th, 2006 05:54 pm

PAST
First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Yates
Last word you said: Riiiiiight.....
Last song you sang: "Heave Ho" by Smash Mouth (under my breath since I'm at work, heard on my internet radio)
Last thing you laughed at: Something Brian said this morning
Last time you cried: Tuesday in the shower

PRESENT
What's in your CD player? Don't have a CD player persay... but the last CD I played in my DVD player was a Poe mix
What color socks are you wearing? White
What's under your bed? Suitcases
What time did you wake up today? Late... 7:45, 10 minutes AFTER I was supposed to leave for work.

CURRENT
Current hair: Red
Current clothes: Khakis, Long sleeve green shirt, khaki vest (told you I woke up late for work... don't judge me)
Current annoyance: Boyfriend, and cubicle mate
Current smell: Airfresheners of course, I'm at work.
Current longing: SLEEP
Current favorite music artist: Rob Thomas
Current book: The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas (unabridged version)
Current worry: That my boss will catch me doing this instead of actual work
Current hate: Being bored at work (I'd rather be busy that bored)
Story behind your AIM Screen Name: Sarcastabitch is my favorite word... sarcstabtch is the editted version (and because the one with vowels was taken)
Current favorite article of clothing: Long sleeve yellow submarine shirt from Amy and black "pink ribbon" shirt

RANDOMNESS
Favorite physical feature on a person of the opposite sex? backs
Line from the last thing you wrote to someone: "I could be bordering on evil." (technically journal entry... but it's posted on the internet so someone else could possibly read it... it counts)
I am happiest when: I'm hanging out with friends.
I feel lonely when: I'm alone.... I have a hard time distracting myself when there's no one else around.
Favorite authors: Many, Douglass Adams, Alexandre Dumas, Shakespeare (corny but true), etc.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Anywhere besides Kentucky
Famous person you have met: Erm... no one that I can think of
Do you have any regrets? ........... yes
Sex or love: Love. Love makes sex better, but sex has never honestly improved how much someone really loves someone else.
Favorite coffee: Hazelnut cappachino
Favorite smell: At the moment.... ozone
What makes you mad? That would be an extremely long list, but I think ignorance definantly makes the top
Favorite way to waste time: Does this count
What is your best quality? Assertivness
Are in currently in love/lust? Yes, love.
What's the craziest thing you have ever done? Never ranked them before... Most anything Hunter and I got into, most anything done while mudding.... that too could be a long list
Any bad habits? Absolutely... I'm going to hell for all the fun reasons after all
Do you find it hard to trust people? Some people, and other I
Last thing you bought yourself: Lunch...
Bath or shower? Shower
Favorite season: Fall
Favorite color: Any of them really... as long as it's a rich color, not big on pastels
Favorite flavor: Not certain but I am craving so sun-dried tomatos at the moment
Favorite time of day: The hours between noon and sunset... even in the dark of winter those hours can still make me think of playing outside in the summer as a kid
Gold or silver? Silver
Any secret crushes? nope

FASHION
Do you wear a watch? When I remember
Favorite stores: Erm... Goody's, NY Co., Walmart... I'm a really fashion buff you can tell
How big is your closet? Biggest I've ever had, that's not saying a whole lot
Ever spend more then $200 in a store? Once... I was buying my computer

FRIENDS
Do your friends know everything about you? The select few
What do they tend to be like? Perferably of abvove average intelligence, facilitates good conversation, but he things that I like in my friends I can't put a finger on... just compatibility I guess
Can you count on them? Yes, the same select few that know everything... I used to think it was more.... but I was proven wrong.
Can they count on you? Absolutely, I'd do anything for my friends. Sometimes I tend to put them before my own self.... I'm not always sure if that's a good thing.

LAST
Book you read: new book? popular, classic, or decent? "The Gun Seller" by Hugh Laurie
Last movie you saw: "Dirty Deeds" last night with roomie
Movie you saw on the big screen: "Brokeback Mountain" with boyfriend
Show you watched on TV: Lost
Song you heard: "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne... in that kind of mood
Thing you had to drink: Water
Thing you ate: Chick-fil-a with Lori
Time you showered: This morning before work
Time you smiled: At lunch
Time you laughed: At lunch
Person you hugged: Roomie probably
Person you talked to online: Boyfriend last night
Person you talked to on the phone: Hunter again... last night

DO YOU?
Smoke? Unfortunately
Do drugs? Only if you count caffiene, nicotine, ibuprofen, and ethanol
Drink? With style
Sleep with stuffed animals? Erm... not the inanimate kind
Have a dream that keeps coming back? not that I can remember, but I don't ussually remember dreams... just the feelings they leave me with
Play an instrument? not anymore, used to play the clarinet
Believe there is life on other planets? yes
Read the newspaper?scan the front page of the Houston Chronicle online
Believe in miracles? absolutely
Consider yourself tolerant? tolerant of ideas.... people can tend to grate
Consider police a friend or foe? Friend
Like the taste of alcohol? Depends on the kind... BUT NEVER AGAIN WITH SHOTS
Believe in astrology? to an extent...
Believe in magic? absolutely
Go to church? nope
Have any secrets? of course
Have any pets? one cat... but she can't live with me... landlady
Go or plan to attend college? yes
Talk to strangers? all the time
Have any piercings? ears... dull
Have any tattoos? not yet
Hate yourself? more often than I should
Wish on stars? make wishes not specifically on stars
Like your handwriting? eh... I guess
Believe in witches? yes
Believe in ghosts? yes
Believe in Santa? no
Believe in the Easter bunny? no
Believe in the tooth fairy? no
Sing in the shower? yes

[A is for age:]
23

[B is for booze of choice:]
Whiskey (Jack Daniels in particular)

[C is for career:]
Currently, lab tech. Ideally, Firearms examiner

[D is for your dog's name:]
Ciecilly

[E is for essential items to bring to a party:]
Cell phone for emergency purposes and good attitude

[F is for favorite song at the moment]
"Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne

[G is for favorite game:]
Rugby


[H is for hometown:]
Danville, Kentucky

[I is for instruments]
Clarinet

[J is for jam or jelly you like:]
Strawberry

[K is for kids?]
yes... someday

[L is for love or lust?]
Love

[M is for mom's job:]
Middleschool Math teacher

[N is for name of your secret crush:]
I don't have a secret crush... Isaac is my boyfriends name... does that count?

[O is for Oddity. Name yours:]
Only one? Being tactless

[P is for phobias]
Spiders

[Q is for quotes you like:]
"Dime con quien te andas, y te digo quien eres" (Tell me who you walk with and I'll tell you who you are)

[R is for relationship that lasted the longest:]
To date... Jay, my highschool boyfriend (nearly 2 yrs), Nick (9 months), Billy (1.5 yrs)

[S is for sexual preference:]
Men

[T is for Time you wake up]
Ideally 6:30

[U is for underwear:]
If I'm wearing any boycut briefs

[V is for vegetables you love:]
Tomatos

[W is for worst habit:]
... tough choice... drinking or smoking probably

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
When I was 2 and ate poison berries, and summer before last and broke my toe, and in high school for my knees

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
erm... I like to think I make alot of yummy food... at the moment I would have to say my fried corn... cause that's what I'm planning to fix for dinner

[Z is for zodiac sign]
Leo

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phoenix909
phoenix909
Sarcastabitch
Tue, Jan. 17th, 2006 10:13 pm

Amy and I are in infested... and the exterminator will be shot on sight.

We have a growing nest of cowmonkies. And life is looking good.

Execpt when you remember why a pure dose of the only man whose never let you down is hazardous to your health... and sanity.

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